“Breast is best,” “You had a c-section, you’re not a real mother,” “You’re spoiling her,” “He needs a sleep schedule, you can’t nap him now,” “I had a natural birth with no drugs, it wasn’t that bad,” “Attachment parenting is best,” “Don’t worry, if you breastfeed the weight will come right off,” “Oh my GOD, it hurt so bad, I had 3rd degree tearing, I practically had a vaganus,” “I was back in my old pants after a month,” “Ignore their crying, they need to learn to self soothe.”
.. and on and on it goes. We’ve all heard at least one of these from those “perfect” mothers, the “mean well” mothers, or just the ones that plain won’t shut up about how is best to raise your baby. Well, I’m here to call their bluff! Who is to say what the perfect parenting style is, the perfect sleep routine, to cuddle, not to cuddle! For Christ sake, if we were to take in every bit of “advice” along the journey to motherhood, we would never make a decision for the analysis paralysis that we over or under decide every move we make.
Parenting is an endless barrage of questions, learn as you go, and as close to “on the job training” as it gets! What works for one child will leave another screaming the house down. Yet still, we are flooded with often-conflicting information from nearly every woman with a working (or not) uterus.
I can tell you now, you could talk till you were blue in the face about natural birth, how you went without drugs, how “beautiful” your birth was; some women will still choose a c-section and no amount of judgement or opinion will change that, not to mention you are potentially isolating those mum’s who for some reason have to have a c-section! Will that make them less of a mother? Absolutely not; it will make them a strong empowered mother who has done their own research, confident in their choices and what is right for them, their body, and their baby. What about breastfeeding? maybe, maybe not? Again, does that make you a bad parent? No, it makes you aware of your choices and once again, what is right for you, your baby, your family, your mental health and your ability to adapt.
Why is it once a woman has a child, she feels she is the be-all and end-all to all child-related topics? and don’t even get me started on vaccinating! “Didn’t you know it causes autism,” “How could you be so selfish?” Holy Moses, sod off Karen! now, I am not one to judge, again if a family has done their research and is doing what they believe to be best, how is that wrong? “Oh, but the government said,” yeah… we all know how well that went! We have Trump in one opinionated corner, another government told us that eggs caused cholesterol, not to mention 20 years ago we had surgeons performing procedures with a cigarette in their mouth! Where am I going with this, empirical “research” is only that.. research… it is ever-evolving so what is “best practice” today is terrible and carcinogenic tomorrow. Due note: I am neither for nor against vaccinating. I believe that when it comes to arming yourself with the best knowledge and skills to keep your kid alive and healthy, you do what you think is best and hope you’re on the right track.
So next time you see that soon to be Mumma, don’t tell her about your birth, refrain from telling her all the things that can go wrong, and yes, hold your endless supply of “tips and tricks” to get baby to sleep. Instead, ask her how she’s feeling? Ask her how her pregnancy has gone. Is she excited? what is her birth plan? Wait for her to ask your advice, believe me, she has likely had so much advice thrown at her and judgement for her choices, it will be refreshing to be asked her opinion and thoughts for once.
